the idler's ideal idea

last blog

2011-06-04T13:48:00.000-07:00

i m closing this blog...

the decision was made as i find myself in a different stage of my life.

As pages turn, its time to close one book, and to open another book of adventure.

it was good memories, and time for them to be buried.

I shall be starting a new blog, a new adventure in my life =)

oh why?

2011-04-30T12:00:00.000-07:00

feel like writing a novelette
to put down the memories
for them to last forever
and never be forgotten

to write down
how it happen
how it took my breath away
how i felt
and how deep it went
and how beautiful it is

i am dead scare
that i will forget
to live
because those are the times
where i truly feel that i m living
even when things are so boringly lovely
it was perfect

if i have to do it again
and i know it wont happen as the same way
i wish i can do it again
this is wat made it so special
and profoundly memorable

i never thought this will happen
that u will call
out of the blue
what does this mean
what will this entail?
all these questions shoots up
like field weeds after spring rain
its been a struggle
and broken my line of thoughts

psyche...

2011-02-25T18:10:00.000-08:00

if only she can admit it using first person terms. If only she can be honest about it. She has been under lockdown for the past 6 months. unable to feel anything else but pain and only occasional delight with her close friends.

it has been real painful for her. but amidst the pain, what she gain was in her job. she was doing real good at it. ironically.

its confusing of course, is this a sign from god, that its just not meant to be? and this is a way of telling her?

for the first 4 months, she thought she have left it behind her. it is still puzzling on what triggered the melt down. must have been the festive season. where gathering happens, people looking happy. she can't help but feeling empty inside. and pain.

what i think, she needs to let it out. keeping it inside is not healthy, i told her, or you will get crazy.

u need a outlet, then you will feel better. u can cry for 3 days 3 nights, and after that u are a new person.

its ok if u wander back sometimes. we all hav this experience. and you need to be honest to yourself.

the truth is, money can't buy happiness. but money seems to be the foundation to achieving happiness these days.

do i want to believe that?

would you want me to believe that?

思念

2010-09-26T04:50:00.000-07:00

我只想有你在身边我就会开心
虽然你不在
我还会在我的生活里保留一个空位
等你补上

一个月
说长不长
短也不短
我也开始习惯你没在的生活
走出来
头也抬得高了
我可以对自己说
我做到了
以我自己的能力
开创我自己的世界

我知道你在半个地球外的国度
也在想我
看见你每天尽力地好好活着
心里也多少欣慰

我能够在这里等
别人看了也说我傻吧
我知道你是知道的
你试着把我推开
不让我继续难过
我也让你知道
我活得很好
有你烦我很好 :)
思念啊

当你终于说我们并没什么
只是我现在必须回到这里
我即刻明白了
你的真正意思
-你还是我的
字眼在眼里飞舞
心里暖暖地。。

我没后悔过
如果没遇见你
我会在哪里
很难想象
你粗涩的关怀
世界难找的真挚
都是我不想错过的

你总站在我前面
为我挡灾挡祸
以前我总看不到
我从没好好地对你说过
我是珍惜的
我是看到的
你心里会苦吗?
我知道你总爱藏感受
比中国长城更牢地藏着
我会好好体谅你的
你也要学学放开噢。。

希望还在心里
不稀减
我会等的
当你学会
一天我们一起飞。

Wait For It To Heal

2010-09-06T12:41:00.000-07:00

There is no need to scar those wounds, pickle it, rubbing it
or scarring it more.

Even if it pains and itch
leave it untouched.

Go on and distract yourself with things more useful
Remember the things and people that matter
The people who will be there for you
Those who you need to hold on to

Your heart will bleed
in the quiet hours
when you stay with yourself
and thinking of what it could have been
Its when you hit rock bottom
the law of physics
will push you back up

Step out of it
Bring new people into your life
quit the life of a hoarder
keeping all unescessary baggages
tonnes and tonnes which weigh you down

Remove them
Elevate and feel free
sweep the leftovers of stale emotions
and turn them to pure energy
positively
Inspirationally
mind-blasting-ly

Life is a long run
and all haters will soon find out
the battle is actually with yourself
and the point of jealousy
will rust and dust
In time
it will not matter as it used to be
and the only thing prevail
will be love, trust, faith, respect and integrity

The Thrill of Getting Things Done

2010-08-26T23:38:00.000-07:00

Is soooo Exhuberating and full with Results!!!

I dunno how this is done.

2010-08-22T17:26:00.001-07:00

But I am feeling suffocated already...!

To... You

2010-08-21T08:51:00.000-07:00

Days are passing and I am counting
until the end of the month
where I will see you step into the unknown gates
no dates on your return

I know we will have more time for ourselves
to focus on building our own lives
to face the things that we have long procastinated
to spend energy on things that may essential change our lives
to allocate more time on people that we care

I have mix feelings
hopeful
Despair
anticipation
strength

Are we about to end? or it can be a new beginning?
for a next phase, towards a better ending?

I just feel like crying
hopefully after the tears
whats left will be pure good energy
for us to go on...

I told my friend
perhaps my status will be
I'm not single but available

My friend told me
Why not You be single, but not available
attributing the attachment to you

The positivity in her reply makes me grateful
it came in the right time
and her support really gives me more sense
and possibly gives me more security
in finding back the love and trust
we have for each other..

I hope you will learn
learn alot
learn more than you think you might find
to become what you wanted
and what you needed to be

I know your ways
and I understand
and we will be good partners
because we end each other's words

as long as u never say no
I wil still be faithful and loyal
and assume we will go on strong

Distance will not kill the love n trust
we have for each other
so if u ever in doubt
let me tell you looking into your eyes that
We are meant to be together
and I'ma stickwitu

As certain as the first day
never ends

Just A Lil Bit More

2010-05-08T12:23:00.000-07:00

Imagine if
there is just a lil bit more love
a lil bit more patience
a lil bit more hope
a lil bit more effort

A cold heart
unaware of the people and places
that is surrounding it

Sand, sea, earth, wind and trees
the creation of God
are part of what we should protect
and care for

Life is a miracle
with every breath that we take
we should remeber the circle of life
from the seed in the earth
to the fishes in the sea
to the running Ghazelle
We are all connected

If you can appreciate
the wonders of nature
extend the gratitude
by treating it better
and nursing it to health

If you feel
the weather unpredictable
imagine it
to be ten times worse

Its an easy job
to pick up
trash that don't belong

Just a lil bit more
If you can make ten people to do the same
and they can make one hundred

Do more than
just nodding to a song
or frowning from a movie
what a difference
from just doing a lil bit more

Our home needs us
to do a lil more

Life can be as easy as you want it to be

2010-03-31T03:19:00.000-07:00

Reading and understanding the book 'The Secret', talking about Law of Attraction, sometimes its very difficult to get the idea that your life results are depending on your thoughts.

Even if you understand it until the core of your heart, to experience it, is another different thing.

I would like to try out this life. practicing positive thoughts whenever a bad thought comes along. I would like to believe that life results are a manifestation of the visuals you have in you mind, and the faith you have in your heart.

When the sky is dark, keep a sunny picture in your heart, and in time, you will see the picture realize in front of your eyes.

StickWitU

2010-02-09T07:19:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that in one month's time we have been together for Three years.

I know it has been stressful lately for you. It has been the same for me too. I can see the struggle that you are having doing what you do now as it is against your laid-back nature. It also pains me inside that your cloths are becoming baggy, which means you have been losing so much weight due to all the hardwork, not to mention mental power that you need to pour in.

Moving on from here, where the road will lead us? I still keep the same attitude I had three years ago. I believe you have taught me this. That is to enjoy the journey, keep walking and holding on strong. Although, all the marriages that is happening around us is making me depressed a little. Not that I am not happy for them; but I notice that I am envying them at the same time. Soon I believe, they will be having children. Just like your nephews Turki and Abdulelah. They are the angels of this world. Deep inside, I hope too that God will give me the ultimate gift of a new life, somewhere down this road.

Three years, we have grown together. Look at the life that we are having now, I thought to myself that we have to be super grateful. Everyday I thanked my parents inside my heart while I am driving, thank you for the beautiful car that they have given to me, they have given me a pair of wings, to fly and achieve so many things. I also thanked my parents for their patience and guidance, it is the greatest sacrifice that they have made to make me who I am today.

Day by day I hope we become stronger and more capable of taking care of our families and loved ones. With this in mind, I also pray to God to give us the strength to do all that is right, to endure the unexpected and to learnt from what we have gone through. To remember. To give back.

If anything, it pains me the most to think about my life if I didn't meet you. Believe me my mind do wander sometimes imagining my life now with someone else. When I see your smile, I know you are true, and I know that I don't need no one but you.

I hope in this Chinese New Year and Valentines day, every human being on the planet is able to have a kick-ass wonderful and meaningful moments with their friends, family and loved ones.

Happy Valentines, my Jidada.

I Want To See Sunny Boys In Blue Jeans

2010-02-02T04:51:00.000-08:00

If I ever write and publish a book, I want the fonts to be Trebuchet. Looking at it reminds me of an island holiday, next to the beach with sunny boys in blue jeans.

I will always remember the Golf Ball, Pebbles, Sand and Coffee story. It was the best metaphor of life I'd ever come across.

I think sometimes, working makes you forget to loosen up your attitude towards living. Day in day out you face a lot of stress and pressure from all corners. Just remember that a cup of coffee with your friends is essential during these times to bring yourself back to normal, physically and mentally.

I really miss a vacation. Looking at pictures of other friends in foreign countries and foreign weather with foreign people, slides my imagination down to Jupiter, can't help but wonder when is it my turn? Should I start saving for a big big big vacation?? Where would I go? Europe? Japan? Or Africa? Or maybe to the land of my lover? LOL.

I came from a palm beach town called Kuantan. The blessing of staying here is that it gives you a laid back and simple view towards life. However growing up there, we tend to look over the other side of the fence. To dream big. Aaaaaaalways, without fail, we want to go to bigger cities, bigger opportunities, bigger of everything. Because the town is so small, you can travel from one side to the other within 10-15 minutes. Now that all our childhood friends are achieving so much and seen so many different places and people, I am so proud of them. Even though I didn't tell them. Kudos to alll Qwantanites :)

More than that, I hope all of us won't be washed by reality and time, and lose our young hearts. Over the years, I have learnt from things and people that we have to, Have to always keep a young heart, no matter, No Matter What. Keep a list of music, books or art that will bring you back to your original fearless self. Anything that reminds you to feel love, passion and compassion towards life, friends, family and yourself.

Remember to recharge yourself, take away any substances that is heavy and dense. Throw some butter into the blender of your heart, make it light and fluffy. Do whatever to keep yourself happy and joyful.

I guess walking on earth, there is nothing more important than happiness. Before any pursuit of happiness, please take a minute to come up with your own definition of happiness. This will be your guide and you won't be walking blindly and lonely.

Whatever you've come up with, I hope that God is in it.

And may God always be with you.

When you are not here nor there

2010-02-01T05:54:00.001-08:00

Ever felt stuck while you are having a bumpy ride towards your dream? Challenges that you face are way harder than what you are prepared for. Frustration and irritation looking at you everyday in the work that you have to push through. Felt stuck, as if you are imprisoned.

I guess that is what I am feeling now.

'Looking at the bright side' is easier said than done for now. Feels like someone's hands is on my neck, strangling me. Its worst when I have to smile everyday to the people that I don't trust. It brings me down from the inside.

But no matter what comes down on me, I believe that I will be strong enough to handle it. Although trouble tries to hit me down, I will prove that I can walk the walk till the end of the road. As the chinese saying goes, when you think you have reach a dead end, keep walking and you will find colors and light at a whole new horizon.

Poverty Paradise

2009-12-29T19:44:00.000-08:00

A song by Naughty Nature shows how highly creative they are. The energy and positivity shines through the song title that they have chosen.

No matter how much you slump into a skunk hole you think you are stuck, If you think you are part of the poverty that drags our society daily, hustling in and out the ghetto just to make ends meet, have fun and don't feel defeated. Welcome to the Poverty Paradise.

Now thats the way to live your life.

Peaceful Friday

2009-12-17T22:48:00.000-08:00

Ho HO hOHohHohOho

The start of long weekend marathon.. waking up at 1pm on friday afternoon, Aaarrrhhh~ ~ one of the best feelings that you can get!

Just went to see the site of the shop yesterday, the renovation is almost done. What's left is only the painting.. Soon, we need to fill up the kitchen then the grand opening awaits.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed now and hope that everything will come smoothly, no hiccups until we start the cafe. Please oh please, God help us!

Now we need to have more food tasting sessions :D need to figure out the best way to cook kabsa and the beef pie. The last attempt was good, and I guess the people liked it. Now we will need to try to make it better.

So the shop is ready, the chef is ready, whats left is just nothing that we can control.

But I hope this place will be a good place for friends to chill out, with good food, good ambience and also good host.

Reminds me we need to get some good lightings..

thats all for now. out.

Second Week Of December

2009-12-12T00:37:00.001-08:00

@ Oldtown White Coffee , Sunny , Happy & Hopeful

THERE was once upon a time I wish to have a cafe of my own. Actually I still do.

For all of you who heard the news, 2D Cafe is opening in Setapak, nearby Jalan Tun Razak.

Its a bumpy joy ride towards opening the shop, but as hopeful days pass by, with the help of true friends, the shop is seeing the bright day light.

We will be having a small launch party in the cafe to celebrate the sweet opening :)

Can't wait for that day to come!

Missing The Old Days

2009-11-29T02:11:00.000-08:00

As we grow older, days passed by unnoticeably.

Some memories are still vivid, especially the good ones. We try to grasp it, wishing for it to stay longer. But most of the time, it’s gone.

If possible, I hope everyone will not have any regrets in their past. If you still have any, my two cents, just let it go. Like the rain, down the drain.

I always remind myself to look ahead and think of the brighter side. Once in a while, when I forget to close the door, my mind slips into memory lane. And once the door is open, I can’t stop it, all the good old images poured in like the blood in the movie ‘Shining’.

Today is a rainy day, and today is one of those days where the door is pushed open.

I see myself walking through the days in my hometown, before I decide to take over the city, those days where I will look enviously at anyone who have a chance to make it into the big city. I remember I have this big dream of being a film director, or more secretly I wanna be a superstar.

Tuning in to MTV or channel [V] all afternoon, the girl would be dreaming that she is the pretty girl in the music video, livin’ large in the big city and getting all the cash that she wants.

Until one day, the little girl stepped into the big city and started her college life. At first, she is all alone. Eventually, she made some friends. She had good times, and some bad times. More importantly, she learnt the meaning of having her own freedom and making her own choices. The life on her own opened her eyes to see the few good people who made engravings in her heart. One of them came from the Great land of China, one of them from a land Far East, one of them from the big city itself, and one from her little town.

Three years passed before she finally met the first guy who took her hand and gave her the feeling of being loved. Of course, he was her first love, so called ‘puppy love’, which only lasted one month. Eventually she became buddies with this ‘first guy’ in her life.

Approaching the final years of college, she became more confused, and wilder. She stepped out from the protective circle of her college neighborhood, and started to know more people in the outer world. More friends from the land Far East came and took her hand into the big big world.

She went through more of her ‘first-ever’ experience, - her first proper job, her first slumber party, her first time drunk, and her first serious relationship.

She always wanted to have a non-Chinese boyfriend. She used to exchanged emails with an Austrian guy. He was twelve years senior than her. She was only fifteen.

He opened up an exciting world for her. He was what she dreamt of having when she becomes an adult. Dream remain a dream, he dropped out of touch when she enters college.

But one day, she met a Libyan guy. He was tall, dark and handsome. He had a car, which takes her to dinner after work. He came from a total unknown world, triggering the adventurous side of her. She was falling hard in love.

It was Christmas that year when he did not picked up his phone, and the girl was heartbroken. She couldn’t understand how come he left her alone just like that, without any explanation. Years later, she found out the reason, but at that time, she was devastated.

For days, she failed to put herself together. For weeks, she was running on autopilot. For months, she missed him.

One night, she met him. He was shorter, but he wears a very beautiful smile. He came up to her when she was all alone and heartbroken. He held her hand and she looked up.

This time, she wasn’t in a hurry to say yes. And she did a mistake, she said no. He was heartbroken. They didn’t spoke for weeks. And when they did, she saw that he was holding another hand.

She realized that she wants him back. He realized too that he still missed her. It was a complicated bitter situation. But she waited until the day he comes and holds her hand. And she never turned back ever since.

Three years passed since that night.

He is still holding her hands, and her, his.

Can't Help But Like This Song..

2009-11-15T19:39:00.000-08:00

Even thought its a sad bittersweet song....

The Weather and Heart

2009-11-05T08:33:00.000-08:00

Lately it has been raining alot... sharp at 2pm, you will see the cloud shading the sun, and the sky turning dark, and droplets of rain falling down from the sky. As if god has put on his alarm clock to send down his blessings same time everyday.

Reminds me of the days in my hometown, when i am still in school, i would sit by the window when it rains, and listen to my favourite music while the afternoon just pass me by like that.

The weather somehow reflects our mood as well, when the weather here changes so dramatically, it might affect us to feel good in the morning and turn a 360 degrees towards the afternoon.

I remember in my college days, I also used to sit on my 9th floor balcony with Sonic, each holding a cup of hot tea, sitting down and just enjoying the cool breeze and each others company.

Just like how i am sitting now in the cool breeze, where the temperature is dropping outside, but the smile of my friends around me warmth the atmosphere around, and lighten up my heart. If you listen carefully, you will hear the tree leaves caressing each other as the wind flows. The soft whisper made a voice that tickles my ears, it is one of those marvelous things on earth where i think god place it there for us to admire and share.

Just watched the late Micheal Jackson's rehearsal documentary 'This is it'. His spirit and passion, i believe, will be stil lingering around us for a long time, inspiring more and more people to carry on his believes, like the one he so strongly felt when he wrote the song 'Man in Mirror', He is always a Legend and will forever be in our hearts.

I GOT A LAPTOP!!!

2009-11-04T01:30:00.001-08:00

My company just handed me a laptop... not so much the brand i wanted... but it was a fairly new one... omg... i feel so grateful.. i was just thinking about it... hahahahah... Cheers!

Craze & Crave

2009-10-24T10:20:00.000-07:00

The human desire for multiple things drive many of us craze and crave. The many ways of dealing might not be parallel among all, but nonetheless we try to reach somewhere in between.

As I realise not much others can do for you if you don't want to change much yourself. Only yourself can drive your own achievement and success. The believe and support that friends have is absolutely important.

他们说，如果没能有共识，再怎么好的朋友又有什么用
说多了，感情反而冷淡了。
好心被狗担走了。。。
当初的美好日子如今已成为回忆，再也回不来了。
看到你听也不想听，伤心透了。
醒醒吧，为什么这么固执?

真难哦。。
你说情未了，我也望如此。
只能寄予希望与耐性。
好好从远观看。

Everyone needs Love.

2009-09-18T07:30:00.000-07:00

First of all, I want to wish everyone in this festive week, Happy Eid!

Today is my 1 month anniversary working in my new pr company. In one month, I have started to gain ownership of what I am doing. ITs such a HAPPY feeeeeeeling. Thinking back of how i have been searching up and low for something that I will have this warm feeling inside.. which ive been longing for so loooong. I am so happy i can cry.

Since i have settle this part of my life, its been unbelievable!

I think i have been very concern abt this corner of my life that when its not there, the whole picture looks incomplete. Doing what you like, and liking what you do, and have a bunch of inspiring, aspiring, exciting and liberating people working together with you also doesnt harm :))
Feeling alive !! ^_^

Feels like i m doing the things that i envy while watching all those japanese movies , the heroes and heroin, working towards their dream, even with all the tears and happiness, and achieving it, the thrill that run through your body, the warmth, while you are at it. Its indescribeable, feel like you are in a song, singing alooooong, the melody and the rhythm, in perfect harmony! such Indulgence.

It feels like I have finally fulfil my own promise to myself, then only the song by Whitney>the greatest Love of all, finally make sense. As, the most important thing that happen to me after this, Love comes easy. Whether its for my beloved family, my beloved friends, or my beloved one. When the part that holds you back has finally been lifted, you face everything and everyone with such lightness; an easiness which soothes your heart. Like time has rewind itself and i can be as happy as a child.

It is now that i understand that everyone have a such in their hearts which needs to be fulfil, like my bestest friends always say, No holding Back! lol..... Go all out, and burn ur passion and live your life to the fulleeeest.

I have been always grateful to all the people around me. I cherish them. Without them I am nothing, All my friends with no means to the order, ainee, Ari, adrian, adrienne, alangira, Ayman, evelyn, fariz, fiona, irene, justin, kamil, kelvin, keong, kit, kweelian, leeping, mahmoud, medo, muli, Sindra, Sonic, rachelle, sereen, shen, tzelerk, wiennie, YingHwei, Yingying, they all have a place in my heart. I am blessed ^_^\/

There is nothing more important to me than to live this life with all of them, and all that is coming. All the good people, good things and good places in this world, I want them in my life. With all the love i have in my heart for them, I truly wish them the bestest life for them in this lifetime if we dun have the next to meet each other. God give them the strength to go through their ups and downs in life with courage, integrity and honesty. And i m sure they will be the happiest ppl on earth.

To Love, Cheers.

I Wish...

2009-08-31T21:33:00.000-07:00

I wish i haven't been busybody...

I wish I haven't knew...

I wish i didn't read through what you have told her...

I never thought you would have this feelings for others

I never thought you have so many things u didn't tel me...

I wish i can be the sort of person that I thought i can be.

I wish I can be the person that you can talk freely..

i guess...

My guesses were wrong...

I am not emo!

2009-08-26T03:53:00.000-07:00

In contrary to what Ying Hwei has told me over a brief lunch at Sushi King this afternoon,

I AM NOT EMO!

I just had a bad day...

And I lost my phone.....

I am not emo!

But I hope you all the best in ur Aussie trip :)
Have superb fun with you know who ;)

hahhahaha... see? I update my blog d..
I am even soo lazy to write about my missing phone... But I freaking miss my phone so much!
Even though Ayman says maybe is time to change for a new device... lool

haiz... I rly miss my phone actually... I didn't back up anything.. photos, contacts, and also all the smses inside.... haiz... haiz.....

I have to be more careful next time.. this is what I tel myself all the time.. and it still happens..

LOL.... Crisis Management... hahaha.. me and my PR nowadays... I am enjoying my time working now in RAPR... really.. I love the job, my boss and colleagues. HehHeeheh..

ok lar, have a safe trip Hwei, rmb to email and sms me when u can~
Gonna miss u...

I WANT A NEW LAPTOP

2009-07-20T01:27:00.000-07:00

Its been awhile since I have sold my HP mini and I am laptop-less for about 2 months now. I am getting deperate!

Apart from saving the money to buy the Fujitsu A1120, i am also waiting for the full package including the backpack and also 3 years international warranty to be offered in the market. Current market price is RM2899 - RM2999. It is soo cheap, especially for the world's Top Brand!

This laptop is relatively light for its large size, especially the wide-screen and hi-colours is a must have for fans of visual entertainment.

I also love the the fact that I can spread my fingers on the keyboard and no need to squint my eyes now for a change. Not that I don't like the HP Mini - its stylish and handy, but I still like to have a lappie which I can sit for hours without sucking my energy.

Who wants to be my sponsor for my new laptop?~ lololololooooooool... pls pls i really miss having a laptop!!!

A Fresh New Start

2009-07-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

This is almost what everyone wanted, a fresh new start.

This is what i want too, and hopefully in 3 months time, i will have it.

I've learnt that you are the master of the monster in your heart. You can decide how you want to feel, by always looking at the bright side of things. I m lucky to have alot of friends around me to turn me around when i m looking back.

As you hold so tight what your heart desires, and found that it slips right pass you, what can you do if not always stay happy and focus? Someone taught me a very good lesson in looking forward. Instead of dreading that there is still 3 months ahead, you can think that u only have 3 months and u can leave. And this is a very special person i hold dear in my heart, whom relationship i have no intention to hide anymore.

Hiding is a form of lying, and i think i m tired of it. I was hiding many things i thought i am ashamed of. Lately, i have faced my fear and told the truth which i have been so afraid for anyone to find out. It is the first time i have been so open about it. I felt liberated, light, and the guilt inside me has finally been resolved. It was such a good feeling and i think i have addicted to it. I am feeling so much easier to express myself now and i dun really care what people think of me anymore. Most important that i focus on what i want to achieve and what i want to improve. No point in hanging on to people's opinion. Thoughts is for theirs to think, i cant control and i dun want to. aaaaaaaahhh..... Liberated!!!

We should try to live the life which awes us the most, in movies, in books, in songs, the stories and people whom we look up to. Then you will feel the warmth running through your veins, the passion burning in your heart, and tiredness and fatigue fade away. Finding the courage to face your destiny, gives you such drive which makes you alive. I have finally faced it. It took me 2 years, it still feels unbelievable.

The happiness in you has flow from your actions, your words, your kindness, your patience and your confidence, into my soul. And i m forever grateful that i have met such a wonderful person. So optimistic and wise.

I can never ever imagine how i will be if i dun have you in my life. The things which you prove to me is so precious and pure, just like your intentions, that is why you become such a beautiful person. Not that cute face while you are asleep, while you're cheering when you win, or your eyes when you try to make me smile, its your shining red heart and soul. One who is so honest, straight and generous. That plants a seed and grows into a strong green canopy of a tree.

I write this from my heart. Thank you, & I Love You.

looking forward...

2009-06-25T05:44:00.000-07:00

It has been better… since the last post… looking back at what I wrote I was surprise that I was very negative then.

Today I had a training session in our company. We have received a new client and they have actually host trainings for us which our own company did not make it for us. I was feeling the irony of that. Seeing a multinational company handling the organization is really an eye opener for me. Even the manager is making more sense than the one I see every day in my own office.

My colleagues and I have been discussing about quitting for months now. We just can’t stand working with immature people and also the MANAGEMENT which had a wait & see policy. The new client who had came in has really given us an opening to explore more places outside.

I’m so eager now to see beyond my company and spread my wings further. Sitting every day and hoping for changes is insane.

Can't wait....

What you thought...

2009-06-08T03:02:00.000-07:00

A penny for your thought, or not.

Sometimes people wonder how you can keep a relationship fresh and exciting, year after year with the same person. Even though i was asked this question many times, and i have answered a few of them before, I do not have the definite answer actually.

Sometimes i struggle between going on or to quit. I guess the key is to find the reason to go on. You gotta be sure about this reason. if it is strong enough, it will make you walk very long miles, and not become a quitter. Just lately, this reason is becoming blurrer and blurrer for me day after day. And i m panicking and anxious.

I so hope that i can see some assurance and comfort from your eyes. but i see that your focus is on something else.

its really dissapointing. for what that i've done to seek your attention, but u r not looking. its really frustrating.

my heart sinks. its so heavy now i m feeling hard to carry on.

let the light shed on me and give me the wisdom of how to walk my next step. Let God give me the strength to face all obtacles in front and lead me to pick myself up from scrounding mud.

Oh God, help me please.

What is My Biggest Dream

2009-05-26T09:31:00.000-07:00

I am drown in the pool of choices, lurking in dark water, unsure of the path that lies ahead of me.

Working a routine job waiting for the paycheque end of every month just to spend it before the end of next month... is clearly not working for me.

BUT, i dunno how to get out from my current situation either.. i wanted to see where i can go from here, but i have sooo many different Dreams and direction that i dunno which one is the One.

I like to work in the entertainment industry, i would also like to be a writer, or starting a food business, or bags business, or as tuition teacher, or as a song writer, or work in the PR industry, or start a business related to the global environment... there are tonnes of choices... and i can't make up my mind.

I think the biggest problem is that i dunno what i want. If i can only choose one, among all choices, what would I choose? how come i have no idea

i need to find where my passion lies. But i also dream of being a volunteer for international welfare. i wont mind being a help in warzones or hospitals, or just get involve in projects which service the poor and rural. It would seriously make me happy, to be in service to humanity. If that is really the thing that i wanna do, perhaps i should start in my own community first.

Perhaps i should try to find options around this area. hahaha.. writing a blog about it actualy help me clear up my mind.

Cheers to blogging!

回家

2009-04-18T09:19:00.000-07:00

我回家了.

每次在吉隆坡工作, 离家远了, 每每有事想不通就想回家.

家里有妈妈的嘘寒问暖, 处处照顾周到; 有爸爸和蔼地问候, 提案解除困绕; 让心里宽畅许多.

其实有很多事想告诉他们, 可是又怕他们担心, 结果话到嘴边却也吞下了.

想说, 妈, 我谈恋爱了! 可是他不是华人哦~

哈哈哈...真难相象他们脸上会有什么表情!

回到家, 脑里的思绪也减轻了, 感觉天大的困难都能迎刃而解.

亲人是谁也不能取代的. 只有亲人才会永远地在你身边, 不离不弃.

我对这句话, 也开始有深刻地了解与感慨.

父母永远是最靠得住的大伞, 为我们遮风盖雨. 所以呀, 天下的子女, 一定要记住孝顺!!

出外寻活的游子, 要及时懂得体恤他们的心情,

可别让父母在家苦等太久喔!

To: Earth, My Home

2009-03-22T11:33:00.000-07:00

One year ago, an act of love of turning off the lights took place in Australia. This year, it blows to a global scale and became the newly launched campaign, dedicated to reduce Global Warming:

60 Earth Hour

Just a few hours ago, I saw an environmental documentary on HBO endorsed by Leonardo Dicaprio (mind you that it is not on Discovery Channel, but HBO!), called The 11th Hour - Countdown to the 12th hour where the crisis will occur.

A few months back I saw on HBO too, The Inconvenient Truth. A documentary featuring Al Gore in his efforts to raise awareness on Global Warming, which he travels personally to all major towns across United States and Europe to do his presentation repeatedly.

All this signs, tells us one thing: The human race is waking up!

It is an exuberating tell-tale sign which lights up our hope now that leaders and celebrities have joined their hands in saving our planet. It is becoming mainstream.

It is conforting that people are starting to care now. Moreover, we are taking solid actions. It is still not too late to save the planet.

Lets get our creative minds moving, who knows next year, our idea will become a full scale global-synchronized marathon!

Dreams

2009-03-20T07:34:00.000-07:00

Through our daily mundane routine, there is always our hopes and dreams which drives us towards the future.

Even though I am working everyday now, for a company, taking monthly (chickpeas) salary, I still hope that sooner or later I will work for my own company, setting up my own business, running my own business deals and be busy, happy and rich. That is my ultimate goal.

As time passby, year after year, my value towards life varies and changes.

Money to me is not as important as it is to me few years ago.

Family, Love and Friends. The simple joy in life, make me the happiest person on the planet.

I have lost my interest in climbing ladders, stepping stones and shooting targets.

I have found new light in drawing, music, sports and getting involve in family affairs.

I guess, no money or material in this world can replace the contentment I feel in my heart now.

Let's say if you were ask one question: Would you rather be Single and Rich or Married and Poor.

I have been in similar situations. If you ask me, I would prefer Married and Poor. To find money is easier than finding true love. If you found your true love, keep it strong, and once you make it through, you will be Married and Rich!!! The most important thing is the attitude. If you remain positive, you can stay in any situation and be happy. Just learn to appreciate what you have. Not being greedy, you can be happy anywhere.

I have been reading 'Tuesdays with Morrie'. It talks about life, values, death, love, marriage, society, money..... It gives me alot of different light of looking at life. Learning How To Be Happy, without changing anything, but only the way you look at life.

By reading the book, I want to feel happy. Just Simply.

Cheers!

TAGGED!!!!

2009-03-19T06:43:00.000-07:00

Since
*****
RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any 1 questions that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by and continue this game by sending it to other people.

*
1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
- It would be painful, but leaving will be the only option.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
-To experience as many things I can, To love and to be loved in my life.

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
- Any butt-licking, trash keeping, blood lying politicians

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
- To grow more billions, to do good and make differences in the world, on humanity and the environment.

5. Will you fall in love with your bestfriend?
- I don't think so, my best friend is a gurl

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
-Is to indulge in both.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
- as long as he loves me.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
- Be happy, forget about him.

9. What do you pray each day for your loved one?
- I pray the best for him in his life.

10. What takes you down the fastest?
- Lack of respect

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
- Happy, Wealthy, Healthy and Success

12. What do you really want at the moment of responding to this tag?
- To see somebody

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
- A very good friend

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
- married but poor, happy and unlonely

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
- Kiss somebody

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
- Doing it, living it.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
- The one I love most.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
- Forgive yes, forget ....maybe

19. Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?
- Relationship.

20. Referring to No. 19, what’s the best thing about it?
- LOL.......He is the joy of my life.

I Tag : (all these ppl hvnt been updating regularly)

- Ying Hwei

-Kahmun

-Sonic

-Areee

Simple Things

2008-12-19T21:07:00.000-08:00

The Simplest thing in life makes the most happiness in my life.

The morning sun while having a drive, the evening breeze on my face while taking a walk, little little things in our daily life, if you learn to appreciate, you just fill warm inside, for no reason; I will have high respect and also gratitude for God.

There was a simple story told about a teacher teaching his students about life.

The teacher stood in front of his class with a jar on the table.
First, He fill the jar with Golf balls.
Then he asked: "Is the jar full?"
The students answered:" Yes."

The teacher then fill the jar with glass pebbles.
He asked: "Is the jar full?"
The students answered: "Yes."

The teacher then fill the jar with sand, filling in the space even more.
He asked: "Is the jar full?"
The students answered:"Yes."

Lastly, the teacher then produced 2 cups of coffee and poured into the jar.
He asked his class:"Is the jar full?"
"Yes", the students said.

The teacher look at his class through his thick glasses: "So what lessons about life can you learn from this?", the students in the class look at each other and did not say a word.

The teacher spoken:"The golf balls are the important things - God, family,
children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions -- Things
that if everything else was lost and only they remained,
Your life would still be full.."

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your
job, house, and car."

"The sand is everything else -- The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,'
He continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the
golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
you will never have room for the things that are important
to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your
happiness. Play With your children. Take time to get
medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play
another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the
disposal.

'Take care of the golf balls first -- The things that
really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just
sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the
coffee represented.

The professor smiled. 'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life
may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of
coffee with a friend.'

I love this story, and it will be the philosophy of my life.

I also came across Mark Twain's quote:
'It is better to be quiet and have people think that you are stupid, then to talk and confirmed it'.

I just feel a sense of overwhelming when I read this on the LCD screen in the Teh Tarik Tv in a mamak restaurant. LOL.

Dilemma

2008-12-17T20:31:00.000-08:00

I would like to believe that Love Conquers All

I would like to believe that Love heals all souls

I would like to believe that it is easy to forgive

I would like to believe that it is easy to forget

I would like to say I am not angry

I would like to say I am not hurt

I would like to say I can forgive

I would like to say I can forget

Am I being selfish?

Am I not considerate?

Am I taking things for granted?

Am I taking things too difficult?

What is wrong, and

What is right?

I look out

I need some guide.

Books and their covers

2008-11-07T06:41:00.000-08:00

The old saying goes: Do Not Judge The Book By Its Cover, those who have fully experience this will understand how true is the saying.

It is not very often that we come upon a person that acts and speaks as true as his heart. That is why when we meet one, they can quickly be a close friend. Those who pretend to be true and honest will never go long without being notice. Their camourflage is easily being uncovered when things that doesn't benefit them happen. They will show their spots, their stripes or whatever that they are hiding.

Books that are seasoned can fool people. With a fancy outlook, and disguised in nicely designed fashion, they greet you warmly and give you the impression that they are decent. But god only knows that they are deceiveful and rotten inside. We call them hypocrites. The thing is, you can't recognised them. Why I say this? Isn't it obvious that we can't recognised them? Usually bad people, the selfish, greedy, slimy and grumpy, they will have this written all over their faces, you don't need a lie detector to identify this people. But... the hypocrites, is a deep hole. They have a mountain of strategies and lies within their chests. It will take tedious observation and awareness for you to be able to even start to suspect.

Submerging myself in the working environement of an office, there is no running away from all different personalities. Some are pleasant, some are not. But no matter what, I am happy to learn and gain more experiences where you will never learn under the comfort and protection of your family. Life is tough and rough. Its good to have a little seasoning lining up, opening up a new space and chapter to fill in some colours, may it be bright or dark. Bring it on.

Happy Birthday~!!!

2008-10-20T08:15:00.000-07:00

Today is Sonic Gan Tian's 22 Birthday~!!! \(^_^)/~*

Poor gal was stil OTing in the office until 11pm++, i was also workin until 9pm++ ...

When i got home, i logged in to MSN and started to chat with her, she was stil in the office, telling me she dun have plans and stil OTing, wanna go home sleep dead..

Then when i came bk from my bath, she told me that her colleagues throw her a surprise Birthday partaaay for her!!

My first reaction: O MY GOD~!!!! \(^O^)/~~

Where can you find such good colleagues, First, its difficult to have ppl throw surprise party for you, not to mention colleagues, then its a ice cream cake, on top of all, its a Haagen Daz!!!!

She told me her Vice Director asked her to go looked for a copy, then she saw the cake....

I wanna put this happy day down as a record of memory. The day when u celebrate your birthday even though OTing, u had Haagen Daz ice cream cake from your colleagues! :)

What i said stil i kept a promise, make a big wish, i will pray for you it will come true, thats the best birthday gift I can give you now from a faraway land, to help your wish become true.*

*******************

Show & Tell

2008-09-15T04:00:00.000-07:00

Feel trapped in the Jungle of City?

Nothing beats a retreat in Cameron

Or just by lightening up the house with some greenery.

With some cute cactus which has different color different size.

or just relax and have some fishy swim around ur legs in fish therapy.

*

Just looking forward to another meaningful week.

Dropping a line in my own blog...

2008-08-24T11:06:00.000-07:00

Its been a while since I have updated my blog.. much has happened since, a period of mixture feelings.

After college, I guess i'm revisiting the feeling of after highschool, with many plans in mind, and still deciding what to do with my life. Many goals and dreams which are so diverse and so difficult that life only provide you the choice to only choose one.

I'm blessed with a circle of friends who really cares about me, a family which is very supportive, and a love of my life who is always there for me. I am already very grateful with what I have now. As far as I concern, its not necessary to plan too far ahead. I am a person who gets too carried away with plans. Its better for me to focus on the day at hand and live a day at a time, to be a Man of Today.

Today, I say I will try my best in doing what I have to do.
Everyday, I am doing my best in what I have to do.
Every month, I do my best in what I have to do.
Every Year, I look back and hopefully I can say I did my best in what I have to do.

So far, regrettably, I have fail in some of my plans, mostly about the devil of all times, $$$.
I have learnt to do things for the love of it, and not for the money.
Even though I know this way back, but it is until I have tried to do the opposite that I start to realize how does it feel to have Money the only motivation for all your undertakings.
I can say, it is not a good feeling. it feels very empty, and easily it draws me into depression and negativity. I have explored all ways of idleness, depicted in the book How To be Idle by Tom Hodgekinson. To be frank, this period of idleness in my life could easily be the best and worst days of my life, its really extreme, Its the most depressing but at the same time fun and exciting and enjoyable. I think its like eating chocolate when you are on a diet, its an guitiable sin, that is why it is so attractive.

But if you ask me right now, I still miss the days where I can just sit back and do nothing, but I find out from all the days watching TV that we need have meaning to live our lives. A Purpose. As cliche as it may sound, a reason to wake up every morning. It is very important. It is like the steering wheel of a car, or the sail of a Yatch. As painful as I have to say, being idle is too enjoyable that you start to feel guilty and cranky and drowsy everyday as if you took marijuana. And you try to seek an outlet to release some of this stress, and to breath some fresh air.

As simple as a life of a farmer or a labourer, as long as he still have his job, he will maintain his integrity, his purpose in life, and his meaning. This keeps all of us apart from living and merely surviving.

It is only until just recently I have made a decision. It stirs up only a small turbulence in comparative to a big decision; with no announcement, and no parade. The fingers on my hands can count the amount of people who are informed of this decision. I dunno why i didn't tell even my closest frens, it is not I am not happy of the decision, but it is because it also means my defeat and me having to admit my failure. I guess it is not that easy for me right now. But I believe in time I will able to look back and laugh at myself. Till then, I will just drift, until the embarrassing period is over, while dreaming the day I wil sail into the shining blue sky.

Well, life is life, and we have to move on and walk on.
For Real.
lol.

^_^

My Best Friend's Wedding

2008-08-12T09:03:00.000-07:00

NasNas Management Services, founded by Gorgeoues, who is pretty, sexy, vibrant, gorgeous, lushes, beautilicious, aims to get married when her age is 27 to Flexy, They will have a 200K wedding, with both receptions in Sudan and Kuala Lumpur, Hotel Shangri-la. Gorgeoueswill be showered in 50K luxurious jewelry and gold, while Flexy will be wearing his Georgio Armani custom-made suit. Jessica will be the bride’s maid, as her boyfriend Gabbana will be the Best Man. Both the Bride’s Maid and the Best Man chauffeur the Bride and Groom into their ferocious Rolls-royce which has a sign ‘Just Married’ attach to the back of the White Gigantic, Luxurious, Fabulous Ride.

random poems

2008-05-20T11:38:00.000-07:00

Fire in the dark
Queen in our hearts
..............Forever.

.................................................................

Sweat and hope bear the sweetest fruits

.................................................................

Oasis in the desert
Only hope in desperation

................................................................

Land Porter
Lame Pedigree
Lashing Pairs
Lasting Puberty
Lean Pants
Lingual Pendulum
Linkin Park
Lone Pond
Longevity Prick
LongingParis
Lost Poltergeist
Loving Prune

Luey Pin.

..............................................................

To Brain:
I Envy You

From:
Knee Cap

.............................................................

lee ying hwei!!!!!!!

2008-05-20T11:23:00.000-07:00

hahahahahha! tenkyu tenkyu ^_^

We got choc-banana cake from secret recipe, but if wanna reserve for u i think the cake wil have mushroom growing on it already looool, y dun u faster come bk then i belanja u k, you get ONE free cake voucher from me, like the astro ad on mother's day. loooooooooooooool

p/s: Congratulations on the job offer k, glad you made up ur mind, thats a giant step if you look back from before :)

p/p/s: will be expecting you to join us on more movie nites to come!

p/p/p/s: actually if you havent take the offer, Jaq is actually asking me if you can help her handle one of the projects that she is going to run.....

回首心情。。。

2008-05-16T23:15:00.000-07:00

今天收拾东西时发现一本自己以前写下的日记，翻开几页，慌觉自己以前原来不像想象中地那么无知。
一字一字地读者，几年前发生的事情历历在目。。。在此想要再以它们来激励自己，要从错误与过去中学习。

第一篇失恋篇

张智城的歌，是我和他之间的歌

可是现在，他永远不会知道了

会心灵感应吗？如果能让他知道我还在想他

真没用，没想到，只是听回一首歌，会挑起这么

多的回忆，可是现在人依然，面目已非

可惜。。。。？

。

那时候，曾经疯狂爱上的人，并不知道我爱他

是有那么一点遗憾，常在想要是。。

我有向他表白的话，一切会是怎样？

我和他，曾经是度过了那么多贴心的日子

一开始，他就成了我的归属感

觉得，没必要逼自己换字，现在写的，不是满好看的吗？

有自己的个性，不是很好吗？

当时的自己，到底是给人一种什么样的感觉呢？

我能给到他恋爱的感觉吗？

他会爱上我吗？

。

外表在恋爱里，到底扮演着一种什么样的角色呢？

事隔一年了，他的生日礼物我买了，

可是，没有勇气拿给他，

怕他是不会珍惜的男生，哪，我不值得这么做

爱里，有所谓得值不值得

爱人，会特别在意对方是否会为自己放弃面子

要是这个弱点被捉住，真的只能听天由命

看看你的男人是否爱得比你深

愿意放下自己的架子

低身为你

。

第二篇：随意写作

。

总是在心情最轻松时写作

可是往往发现并不是最好的写作时机

因为这时，并没有特别的灵感，或感受

只是一段最没压力，或闲闷的时光

那应该在何时呢？

是在有强烈感受的时候

。

最近又开始自闭了，不多话

自己也不想这样，可是却有各方面来的压力

学业，事业，自身。。。

是觉得自己一压力大，就会思路阻塞

然后想一个人静静，一直到心情好转为止

才会比较侃侃而谈

有一个想法，就是当心情不好的时候

要更努力地去笑，讲更多的话，打更多地招呼

这样做或许腐霉的心情也可以扭转过来

人生观也可能会从此不一样呢，谁知道？

这样会开朗一点，

做正面的人

。

第三篇：待人处事

。

以不知道的心情面对未来

是无知

以消极的态度来面对现在

是不智

以自满的性格来面对朋友

是不善

。

无知，不智，不善

都要不得

。

想说，我只要成功一次，就能永逸无忧

那是多么好的事情啊

只要辛苦一次，熬过了以后

万里晴空，任你遨游

。

要成功，就要不停的前进

在过程中，毅力不屈的坚持下去

。

要成功

We will never forget!

Victory

2008-05-10T09:43:00.000-07:00

I am reading Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.

Bought it last minute at Borders just minutes before I drive back to my hometown Kuantan. Went there to buy some cheese that my father like very much. (A suggestion from my dearest. Which taught me to always come from a place of Love, considerate and understanding, instead of sorrow, guilt and resentment. )

A very powerful line stood out from the book and light shines through it when I was reading it.

"A man is not defeated until he accepts the reality that he is defeated".

-Napoleon Hill

This particular sentence is so empowering as I pondered upon it over and over again. Past experiences poured over in my head, the times that I have given up after one or several attempts, where I stop and never go on anymore. From now, I believe it gives me the courage to try and insist and persist in doing anything. It gives me the will to never give up. To always come from a place of abundance and prosperity. Most importantly, to never give up on hope and faith.

Many things can be done in our life if we have an unwaivering believe and desire to do it. I wish that all of you out there may find your life purpose and go on to live a meaningful life!!!!!!!!

.............==

`~.,.~'`'\ (^_^) /'~.,.~'`'~.,.

............/_ \

Hilarious Stuff

2008-05-02T09:52:00.000-07:00

Keropok face and me went out and she told me to misscall her whenever i reach home.

So much so as I am a big head prawn, i forgot.

Then below is the conversation between me and her once i m back home online MSN.

keropok says:
EH... R U BACK?

(L) China - lueypin says:
hey

(L) China - lueypin says:
sorry

(L) China - lueypin says:
ya i mback

keropok says:
cibai..

keropok says:
ask u to misscall tarak dengar 1

(L) China - lueypin says:
arak dengar laaa

(L) China - lueypin says:
sorry la

(L) China - lueypin says:
hp tarak battery

keropok says:
arak dengar mau saya test kat msn

keropok says:
cibai kia

(L) China - lueypin says:
lu cibai laaa

(L) China - lueypin says:
gua tarak cibai

keropok says:
tipu siapa..

keropok says:
lu tarak cibai sape ara cibai

(L) China - lueypin says:
hahahahhahaha

(L) China - lueypin says:
so funny

(L) China - lueypin says:
can i blog this conversation?

hahahahahahhahaha, this is extremely hiliarious laaa, dun la curse so much k? love you.

All in all today is a very very goooooooooood day for me. for those who are in my lives today, I am very grateful for your presence :)

Love all of you~!!

Shadow of the day

2008-05-01T02:43:00.000-07:00

1st of May, Shadow of the day.

will embrace the world in gray.

and the sun will set for you, for another day,

sometimes beginning aren't so simple.

sometimes goodbye is the only way.

we taste, we pray, we say you will pay.

and now we say hey, lets go seperate ways.

its not a waste.

I will still be behind you if you choose to look back.

-Friends Forever, right? - :D

Dancing in the Moonlight

2008-04-30T01:51:00.000-07:00

When I feel sorrow, I listen to this song.

When I loose hope, I dream to this song.

When I feel happy, I dance to this song.

When I am mischievious, I smile to this song.

When I see you, in my head I hear this song.

- I hope you like it too - :)

Stay Tune...

2008-04-21T11:10:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder why i call myself an Idler? I was deeply influenced a few years ago when I picked up this book which caught my eye in MPH. It is called: How To Be Idle, written by Tom Hodgkinson. Thanks to him, I have really changed the way I look at the world. According to him, the name of the book is actually satirizing, because the title would be in anytime sounds more commercial than A Disquisition on the Benefits of Idleness.

I am now in favor of being idle, I really am grateful to Tom for leading me to not feeling guilty of loafing or slacking or plainly doing what I want with my time, including not finding a 'job'. As few will know that being idle is actually more productive than losing your freedom to job slavery.

It was very controversial when I read the book as for any Tom, Dick and Jane would agree that to find a job being a very 'big' thing in their lives. But, here we find it otherwise.

I will try to blog more about this topic. Now I would like to embrace my idleness and crawl into bed :)

Stay Tune!

-Embrace nothing, Know nothing, Do nothing -

Jazzy's Dream House

2008-04-20T07:15:00.000-07:00

Dear, I am so pround of you when I heard of the good news. Hopefully, we will be living our dream towards the good life :)

I am trying to find out how will my dream house looks like, They say if you make a vision board and be serious about achieving it, chances are you will really achieve it.. hmmm.... lets do this, this is how I have roughly came up with the idea of my dream house.

A contemporary house with a pool that has great view.

a nice outdoor quiet corner for myself

I have always wanted a house with double deck, which has a streching horizon.

A romantic Baliness bedroom is a must~ hahahahaha...

A warm, cosy private living rooom~ aaaaaaahh~

Yummy kitchen~!!!

In-House Cinema equipped with the latest Hi-fi surround technology!

A cosy chill out corner

Last but not least, a luxurious bathroom to pamper you after a long tiring day~ ~

AHHHHH~ WHAT A LIFE!!

I would wanna have this kind of lifestyle~ dear, if you don't mind, lets do this :)

Just scribbling

2008-04-18T09:48:00.000-07:00

Today is a very low key day, i don't know what I was thinking, just hovering with ying hwei, here and there, talking talking and talking.

I think both of us have learnt, or at least tried to learn the dealings with a lot of people. it is not always easy, and it might bring ourselves some sorrow and dissappointment. I have been thinking so much about it to the extent that I don't know what to think anymore.

In Finding Forrester, Sean Connery said that to write, you should just punch the keys, don't think, and when you get the flow of your words, it will come out naturally. Can you imagine if you can write like that? this freely? Without any concern, just expressing yourselves. To me its the best feeling and healing for anyone, to let out all the agony, depression, sorrow, dissappointment and frustration. Painting them a coat of literature. Making them sound beautiful. The best writing will have the quality of integrity. If you can write with integrity, if you can write for yourself, you most probably will get more people to understand you.

I have miss out a lot in the world. There is so much to explore around and away from me. I imagine my life in my head in MTV style. How passionate my life would be. It is always easy to live a happy life. Just be grateful. Be grateful of how better off you are compare to a lot of people. Be grateful of the things that come into your life. Be grateful of the air that you are breathing. As long as you are alive, you will always have something to be grateful of. Which means, As long as you are alive, happiness is always a choice. If you are sad, you have chosen to be so. Period.

Happiness is self-seeking. You do not need to look far for it. most of the time you will notice it is just in front of you, sometimes, it is inside of you. Just hold on to it.

Whenever you are sad, remember of the people that loves you. I am sure you will find the strength to carry on.

I still have alot of places to go, things to do, and people to see. I will continue work towards achieving my bucket list~! Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaah~!!

- For all will, there is a way -

The Good Life

2008-04-17T09:13:00.000-07:00

I was considering a regular salary job. I took a Outdoor Sales position in a company. I quited in 3 days.

It may be the selfmastery classes that I have taken for the pass 6 months. It may have totally changed my mindset. I couldn't accept myself working for someone else anymore. Not for a regular salary, not for the time and energy that I have to give out, in return for a monthly pay cheque for me to stay in my comfort zone.

I know my fellow success warriors will be scolding me for even considering the job in the first place, to me, I have learnt a very valuable lesson. It has actually helped me setting the right course towards the future. I have started to appreciate the real value of my business. The flexibility, the self-reliance, the space to grow.

In this 2 days, I was representing a company as a project representative, running errands to see the client's representative. What I see is a job taker meeting another job taker, trying to make each others' boss richer. I see them sitting around in the meeting room, each bearing big names on their namecard which many people have help built. I see this very demoralizing for me. I know that if I stay long in this position, I would rot, desubstantialize and eventually go down to ground earth zero. The worst thing in it is that, the job gives hope to a life that the minute you stop working, you will loose your dream. And so, you will continue working like a dog, struggling to feed mouths, with teeth and without.

I started to see the reason why I have to work hard for my own business. I started to have a reason to break into the outer world and conquer it. Just like Napoleon did. It gives me a sense of peace that I have found the right place for me. And I know that if I continue to serve, I will be readily paying the rent to occupy a space on earth.

The things that I have learnt and I continue to learn will stick with me for life. It has trussed itself into the deepest part of me. Somehow right now I still feel it is a heavy task for me to duplicate it, but I believe in time, I will be able to.

It was a pity I quit the job, because it was a very good offer. But now I understand why David Chapel turn down the million dollar offer and chose to go to Africa. Now I totally understand. The feeling of seeking the right thing to do, the right place to be, and the right direction to move towards.

People please don't be offended if I say, that working for my ownself, and getting the fruit as proportionate to the amount of effort I have contributed, with high potential of leveraging it, is at anytime better for me compare to a linear income job.

I am very happy that I have made this point clear to myself. I have almost forgotten this. I guess this is a good time where I should say: "don't worry, past is past, there is always tomorrow!" .

- As I advance confidently in the direction of my dream, and endeavor to live the life that I have imagine, success will come to me unexpectedly in common hours - Henry David Thoreau

Finding Forrester

2008-04-16T08:45:00.000-07:00

I bumped into this movie on HBO last night.

The movie is very subtle and touching is alot of ways which shows us how we show courage and break out from our comfort zone.

The extraordinary relationship which can be built from very unexpected combination of a reclusive writer with a black teenager. I found it very amusing.

and the movie has created You are The Man, Dog website. 5 very powerful words.

My Early Muir Owl

2008-04-15T08:37:00.000-07:00

This is the swwwweeeeetest thing a guy can ever do for a girl......

the precious thing is his heart which have lead him to come up with the whole idea and the way it is revealed to her, it must be a real shocker!

what a wonderful surprise. ihope one day, one day, my day will oome.

i can hear someone telling me :" Shut up!! ". loooooooooooooooooooool

kinda imagining how i would be proposed to. not that im really leaping into marriage, it would be like jumping into a bottomless hole. I wonder how our frens wedding will be? who will be the first to be married among us? ;)

-love is when you can say i love u, even when he loses his cool and becomes a fool-

We dwell in our mind

2008-03-18T10:16:00.000-07:00

Each and everyone of us is special. In a way, we are independent entities, it is fair that we have one mind for each of us and we do not share them.

I used to see only my world. The beauty in my world, the problems in my world, the ways i decorate my world, the things i do to make my world a better place. In the cyber world, u get to see different minds seeing things differently. It becomes a bubble amongst so many thousands millions of bubbles. Each has their own way of expressing themselves.

Thinking back, i found that many problems in the past have stemmed up from the root that we hold on so tight on to our own looking glass that we forgot to consider other people's looking glass. This gives me a discovery that I need to look past the conflicts and try to see the shapes and colors of other looking glasses.

The world is a beautiful place. It is beautiful becouse nothing, absolutely NOTHING, is totally the same. there is not two things, people, voice, thoughts and feelings which are totally the same. Every day, if u are open to accept, you will experience different happiness, different difficulties and challenges, different sadness, different dissappointment, different fulfilment and different ephiphany. Its in your grasp. Its your own choice. But, the most important thing to me, is let the mind take charge of the MOMENT. Do i have in me the energy to burn everyday into the best day of my life? Will i be too afraid, Will i be exhausted? Should i even have doubts in that? Thousands of flickrs of thoughts are running throught my reins.

My coach told me that to point fingers to others, is to belittle my ownself. Let my heart be the biggest ocean in the universe to be able to contain the greatest love and to consume the greatest hate. Let my heart grow brighter and led my darkspots to fade away.

.

Ephiphany.

2008-03-17T07:54:00.000-07:00

I would like to mark down this day as the day that I truly find the meaning of what I'm currently doing.

Today, I had an appointment with Mr. Hwang. Mr Hwang is my first prospect of Big Cases. Big Cases, is what every agent dream of. For the past 3 days, I have been preoccupied with the idea of the perfect appointment. This appointment is a very big deal for me because I wanted to close my first big case so badly. For the past 2 days I've been worrying about how I'm going to perform today, thinking of what might go wrong, thinking of what papers I should prepare for the Day. Then I remember couch Jaq taught us about the 2 circles of dealing with things, which is the circle of control and circle of out-of-control. Now, whether Mr.Hwang will buy the plan or not is nothing that I could control. It is out of my power to decide. What is within my control is that I can do my best in explaining the plan to him, and make sures that he gets the information clear and clean. When this thought hit me that I start to categorize the outcome into the circle of out-of-control, I feel the burden slowly getting release from my shoulders, I felt so much lighter and I could breath more easily, more portion of oxygen is now flowing into my brain and system.

On the real appointment, I went there on time. I presented what I was there for, I showed him the proposals that he had requested me to prepared. I have pitched the idea that I should meet his boss, since the boss is the decision maker in the scene, It makes perfect sense that if I could talk to the boss~! Then when I was talking with Mr. Hwang, Mr. Mak walk into the shop and look over what we were talking about. He seems interested on the piece of paper which has the title of 'Cash Property' on it. I think I've handle his objections well enough. He turn out to be a unit trust agent, his vision fixed on short distant future, but I presume he don't think too much on long term, or, he is just not revealing it to me. For his attacks to the our plan is all on the short term shortcome. First I've let him ramble his mind, then I mildly suggest that he may try to accept our idea, and not reject it fully. I caught his interest in the next WAW session (of course, its free of charge!)
and hopefully the next time he wil be able to make a presence.

After I depart from the appointment, I drove back to head office in 1U. and had an agency meeting with our Agency Director. I personally like our AD very much because he always talks honestly, no zigzagging. Our agency have been under-performing for the last 3 months, and the numbers tells it all, there must be some problem in the agency to create this kind of results. One important point from that meeting is that I no longer have money as my motivation. Money can be found anywhere. Becoming an employee can get residue income. Why would I strain myself into this whirl for money if i can get steady income by a 9 to 5 job? His point is that to work in the field and withstand all obstacles is to bring dreams to life. and to excape the rat-race. To be truly retired. DREAMS, is not money, money, can never buy DREAMS. but absolutly, it can upgrade your lifestyle superbly.

After the meeting, I suddenly remember a client of mine, which may have met his ephiphany somewhere in the past that he has totally changed his mindset. He is taking great risks in borrowing money to invest in a MLM company. His mind was so setted upon the idea of building his business that no one can convince him otherwise. Even when me and my manager show him, drew him, talk to him about the considerable risk, he wasn't even listening. So, my seniors all drew the conclusion that we have to let him try. Let him have a go, so that he will be able to rest his soul in peace. Sometimes, when people see hope, the light gets so big that all darkness will be absorb. at this time, it might try in vain to convince him otherwise. It is best to let him experience it. Although wise man says:" it is best to learn to shared experience and not self experience." I definitely see it for myself this time, that when I compare to all the business out there, how blessed I am to be in this business. How remarkably I have taken it for granted.

All this happening today gave me a great source of energy that I have suddenly find a place in my heart that is burning. Burning with the love and desire to work it in this business. Burning with the desire that my heart is aching wanting the results that I've dreamt of. My eyes have look at the business at a 90 degrees angle, totally different. It brings my heart so much light weight and relief. and on top of that It pumps in energy for me to believe in myself, that I can actually DO it~!!!!
I Feel it in My Hands, it is so warm and so real!! The results of it, I can touch it, I want to touch it so bad!

Today, 17 March 2008, it might be an ordinary day for all of you, but for me, It is an extraordinary day. I want to make every day of my life as special and as valueble. I truely believe in it. :)

Good Morning to all of you that is reading.
and may you have as wonderful a day as I have had.

sign off,
lueypin_jazz

C.A.N.

2008-03-06T09:31:00.000-08:00

Words cannot say more.
Watch.

Yo!

2008-01-31T06:43:00.000-08:00

hey hey hey,

how r u? r u having a good life there? is everything smooth? i know how irritated when things dun go your way. especially i m not there for you to let it out lol.

can't believe now that we hve all move away, after 4 yrs of staying together... damn i miss those days. remember from mayang, to townvilla, then to A299, those kept the memories of one of our bestest day.

actualy just wanna tel u, i miss u dy la fren.

Metamorphorsis

2008-01-30T07:05:00.000-08:00

"Nothing changes if Nothing Changes"
-anonymous

The change came to me late, but it is better than never.

When a plan landed on your knees, it is exactly what you've dream of.

you do it! give whatever it takes! never give up! keep on fighting!!!

thats what it should be done, i don't know how it wil happen, i just know that i want it so badly that i will give all out to have the dream to coome true.

To keep doing the same thing and dreaming to have a different result is insane. Because for every fruit that you reap, you must have soweth it some time ago. This is law, law of cause and effect.

Great people of old and modern times they have one thing in common. They believe that they can achieve anything that they put their minds into it. It is everyone's birthright to deserve abundance and prosperity. The sooner the mind is open up to new ideas and thoughts, the sooner the Thoughts become Things. We can literally attract the desire result into our life by wanting it and thinking about it.

FOCUS, make up the mind of what you want. One goal, one mind. Mixed thoughts brings mixed results.

Time will tell the truth of the Law. And law is law. Unbeatable.

Again

2007-12-13T18:30:00.000-08:00

i losst my purse.

becos i did not listen to you.

becos i did not learn the lesson from past experience

becos i was careless

becos this was a habit i thought i will never change

i hail my sorrow inside

i given up blaming myself

but the pain will not wash away

my sudden depart with the green

part of me will never be found

it will vanish in thin air

lost in the wind

no matter how much i hope it can come back to my pocket

no matter how real i can remember the smell

it will still be gone

forever

2008 Wish List

2007-12-07T05:19:00.000-08:00

Every beginning of the year, we will have to compile our new year resolution. this is very important. to know where you come from, to know where you stand, and to know where you are heading.

1. Major Makeover
2. new laptop
3. hot sizzling bod
4. vacation to cameron highlands and phuket
5. big fat paycheque every week
6. cases flowing in like water
7. monthly shopping spreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, Weeee~
8. to get a new comfy sofa
9. to get my own car, wishfully, a toyota harrier.
10. to qualify for the trip to Perth
11. to be the top rookie agent
12. to be less bizzzy
13. have money flowwing in even though i m less bizzy
14. to get AJ education up and running
15. to help as many as i can to get their own savings and investment plans. next year, 90 people.
16. to be of service of my clients.
17. top analyser and promoter of the whole wide world~!!!!!
18. to have my own baking oven.
19. to have short culinary lessons.
20. to have a round of good year.

At the end of 2008, let's review how many of the things i have actually achieve XD

my business in making, my life unfolding, follow the trilogy.

Just recently

2007-12-07T05:07:00.000-08:00

have been doing cold canvassing for one month and 7 days now, got good results, thank god. wil be in the streets for the next 2 months, doing surveys and sales. its a lifelong process. Everyday that pass, i realized that this is the best business that i can be in. every thing that i need to know, is all in my head. as long as i have my head on my neck, i can do business wherever i go.

my agency manager told me there are 3 types of people that can't succeed in this business:
1. people that don't qualify
2. people that don't have time
3. people that qualify and have time, but their manager don't have time.

lol. had a good laugh, it wont happen to us, because my manager is the freeest person in the world. and someday, i will be like her.

after cold canvassing, i would at least have 100 names on my cold call list. i guess i can take off from there. we have big dreams ahead. it is still underconstruction, i will reveal them in the later post. for the time being, we are getting ourselves prepared.

19 dec
this is the big day. Year end sales closing. this is THE day for all of us. after the morning closing session, we will hve our 'sau gong fan'. Sushi all u can eat~!!! before that i die die hve to close 3 case first.

the journey begins.

Reincarnation.rejuvenate.all abt change

2007-10-10T02:37:00.000-07:00

Now that I have quit the job in limkokwing, and start working as an agent for Manulife, for the first time in my life I felt ultimate freedom. There are millions and millions of possibility of the things that I can achieve in life, if I just go out and do it. I want to make a change in the world. I used to have such big dreams that I would fly to the warzone and help all the needy people, now I have a different understanding. I should start at reachable places instead thinking too far. Just focus on nearer places, we have role models whom we can look up to, such as Jeff Ooi, NCSM, Budimas, MAKNA, people there work for a cause. Little changes we make is a power. I always think how does it matter that if everyone contribute a little there will be major changes. Now I have figure, the first step is to get everyone aware, to educate them. So now, my duty is start spreading the word, spreading the seeds, so that one day, the trees of love will blossom every where in the world. I hope I can generate this frequency strong enough for all people to start doing something. It’s a new beginning. I believe. With all my heart.

Just found Out That

2007-09-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

I am a very emotional person. Actually I should have realised this. But it is not until recently that I am aware of my sensitivity.

Delusional, misery, depression. I indulge in these. Now I know why I cry and laugh at the same time.

At least I learnt this about myself, so that I can do something to CHANGE. Take for example I can start trying new angles to look at one thing. Instead of getting angry at making the wrong turn, I'll say at least I learn a new road today. Everyone knows what they should and should not do. But Is It That They Deceive Themselves That They Can Do It Instead Of Really Doing It?

I can say that I love my family, but do I really do something to show them? How often I pick up my phone to call them? How often do I make time to visit them? How many times do I really care about how is their day and how is their life over at another city?

I always lie to myself that my life is ideal. Its the life that I wanted. The truth is, I get angry and guilty EVeRyTime I think about my family. I should have been able to make money to support them on top of living a comfortable life myself. I should have been able to be succeed if I did not give up on the last MLM plan. I Should Have Been not wasting my money that my parents have work so hard to earn. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN....... I SHOULD HAVE BEEN!

I realised I filled my mind with so much negativity that IF I do not find a way to channel them I would end up in an Asylum, or maybe saying hi to Heaven or Hell. Luckily, there is someone there for me, who is so loving and forgiving. The person with so much faith in me more than what I have for myself. In a seminar, I was told that there are 4 reasons to life, Learn, Love, Live, and Legacy. So if I hold to this principle in my life, I can be successful?

All my life I have try to be successful that I have ignore the most important thing, that is to Enjoy the Journey. I was focusing too much on getting to the Final Destination. Ironicly, Final Destination is a Horror Movie. Hmmpphh!........

At this moment, I am Learning to channel my negative thoughts into Positive Thoughts, tracing to the root of the negativity, that would be from my unconcious mind. Every night, I will try to talk to my unconcious mind, taming her, comforting her, so that she can let go of every guilt, resentment and anger that she holds on to.

Just last week, I learn that the bravest thing to do is to admit your own mistake and ask for forgiveness. Take it from me. It took me a self-struggle that seems to be years and never-ending for me to realise my mistake. I was, I still am hard-headed. So is so many people. But sometimes to end your misery and for your soul to find peace, You have to Let Go, Let Go of trying to be Right, Trying to be in Control, Trying to Win. You are hurting yourself and others.
There must be a better approach than this. Right?

Just think harder, and be open to other options. Be Open. To. Other Options.
This thought itself took me years of understanding to really DO It. Understanding, and agreeing to it is definitely VERY DIFFERENT than actually DOING it.

I am not trying to preach here. This is the first time after so long that I just let my thoughts flow through my fingers. Its a relief! I have been keeping them under my chest for so long, beginning to kill my spirits, hurting my soul.

Now I know why Chicken Soup for the Soul becomes a Best-seller. LoL.

As far as I know...

2007-08-23T02:17:00.000-07:00

I will stick here for the next 3 years.

In the making of something big. I am gonna flyy highhhh~!

Note for Jeff Ooi

2007-08-01T21:31:00.000-07:00

I was one of the silent follower of Jeff Ooi's Blog. But I loose touch on his blog 2 months ago when i started work. Just today when i had time to visit him, I found that he have taken a very big step, to join the Opposition party DAP and become one of the candidates in the next election in sept 2007.

here and here

I was in dilemma.

I am unsure whether this is good or bad.

It will be good if you can hold true to your promise and always remember the reason that you fight for is the people.

It will be bad if you lost your way and switch faces in the middle of the way.

But i have hope for you~!

Bravo and cheerio for Jeffff!

sincerely,
jazzy

MY BEST FrIEND IS IN TOWN!!!!!!!

2007-07-03T09:46:00.000-07:00

holla to ari :) dam u know i miss u dam much~ its not that i m sad that we are working separately now, i am looking forward to say this again and again, when u come back from melaka, sibu, sabah, or even NEw yoRk, Paris, Tokyo, Sudan, Egypt, Saudiiiiiii, I'l be ready to say

MY BeST FrIeND IS BACK IN TOWN!!!!!!

*party on*

Nagging

2007-06-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

"Shit happens." my friend said.

Things happen for a reason, but lets put it this way, we like to take the easier way out .

How many people can really stay on, even though we sing "we are still holding on, still standing strong". How many can see the fun in challennging the your own limits?

Look, we are not perfect. Yeah. How can they expect us to give so much when we know we are being treated unfairly?

When is this kinda life is gonna over?? When am I gonna be able to have a new Apple G4, a new LG Shine, a Porche, or Dior Addict? I will work for it.

Now the debts that people owe me is piling up, so is the bills. So whatever I get will still go to the electric company, the rent, astro, and the stupid Mykris. I suggest you never to use Mykris. It is so slow and it sucks big time.

Work. Work. Work. i can't believe i jump into the cubicles without thinking twice. Its more horrible than i thought.

A dreamer as much as I, I am already imagining myself travlling the world, seeing different places, walking on different streets, taking different pictures as I go, and peeking into peoples' life. It would be awesome~!

I also dream of doing things like starting a club or association which will help the people in Africa or anywhere, not just people and also wild animals, or start a travel documentary which glorifies my journey. I will be helping people and making changes in peoples' thinking, helping this world become a better place. This is my destiny. lol.

Some people change the world by economic manipulation.

Some people change the world by inventing new technology.

Some people change the world by running a campaign.

Some people change the world by starving themselves.

Some people change the world by writing a book.

Some people change the world by sharing their music.

Some people change the world by talking to the world.

Some people change the world by winning a lawsuit.

I hope I will be one of them soon ;)

So who's next on the list to save the world??

Watch out for me!!
:)