Dropping a line in my own blog...

Its been a while since I have updated my blog.. much has happened since, a period of mixture feelings.

After college, I guess i'm revisiting the feeling of after highschool, with many plans in mind, and still deciding what to do with my life. Many goals and dreams which are so diverse and so difficult that life only provide you the choice to only choose one.

I'm blessed with a circle of friends who really cares about me, a family which is very supportive, and a love of my life who is always there for me. I am already very grateful with what I have now. As far as I concern, its not necessary to plan too far ahead. I am a person who gets too carried away with plans. Its better for me to focus on the day at hand and live a day at a time, to be a Man of Today.

Today, I say I will try my best in doing what I have to do.
Everyday, I am doing my best in what I have to do.
Every month, I do my best in what I have to do.
Every Year, I look back and hopefully I can say I did my best in what I have to do.

So far, regrettably, I have fail in some of my plans, mostly about the devil of all times, $$$.
I have learnt to do things for the love of it, and not for the money.
Even though I know this way back, but it is until I have tried to do the opposite that I start to realize how does it feel to have Money the only motivation for all your undertakings.
I can say, it is not a good feeling. it feels very empty, and easily it draws me into depression and negativity. I have explored all ways of idleness, depicted in the book How To be Idle by Tom Hodgekinson. To be frank, this period of idleness in my life could easily be the best and worst days of my life, its really extreme, Its the most depressing but at the same time fun and exciting and enjoyable. I think its like eating chocolate when you are on a diet, its an guitiable sin, that is why it is so attractive.

But if you ask me right now, I still miss the days where I can just sit back and do nothing, but I find out from all the days watching TV that we need have meaning to live our lives. A Purpose. As cliche as it may sound, a reason to wake up every morning. It is very important. It is like the steering wheel of a car, or the sail of a Yatch. As painful as I have to say, being idle is too enjoyable that you start to feel guilty and cranky and drowsy everyday as if you took marijuana. And you try to seek an outlet to release some of this stress, and to breath some fresh air.

As simple as a life of a farmer or a labourer, as long as he still have his job, he will maintain his integrity, his purpose in life, and his meaning. This keeps all of us apart from living and merely surviving.

It is only until just recently I have made a decision. It stirs up only a small turbulence in comparative to a big decision; with no announcement, and no parade. The fingers on my hands can count the amount of people who are informed of this decision. I dunno why i didn't tell even my closest frens, it is not I am not happy of the decision, but it is because it also means my defeat and me having to admit my failure. I guess it is not that easy for me right now. But I believe in time I will able to look back and laugh at myself. Till then, I will just drift, until the embarrassing period is over, while dreaming the day I wil sail into the shining blue sky.

Well, life is life, and we have to move on and walk on.
For Real.
lol.

^_^