i m closing this blog...
the decision was made as i find myself in a different stage of my life.
As pages turn, its time to close one book, and to open another book of adventure.
it was good memories, and time for them to be buried.
I shall be starting a new blog, a new adventure in my life =)
feel like writing a novelette
to put down the memories
for them to last forever
and never be forgotten
to write down
how it happen
how it took my breath away
how i felt
and how deep it went
and how beautiful it is
i am dead scare
that i will forget
to live
because those are the times
where i truly feel that i m living
even when things are so boringly lovely
it was perfect
if i have to do it again
and i know it wont happen as the same way
i wish i can do it again
this is wat made it so special
and profoundly memorable
i never thought this will happen
that u will call
out of the blue
what does this mean
what will this entail?
all these questions shoots up
like field weeds after spring rain
its been a struggle
and broken my line of thoughts
if only she can admit it using first person terms. If only she can be honest about it. She has been under lockdown for the past 6 months. unable to feel anything else but pain and only occasional delight with her close friends.
it has been real painful for her. but amidst the pain, what she gain was in her job. she was doing real good at it. ironically.
its confusing of course, is this a sign from god, that its just not meant to be? and this is a way of telling her?
for the first 4 months, she thought she have left it behind her. it is still puzzling on what triggered the melt down. must have been the festive season. where gathering happens, people looking happy. she can't help but feeling empty inside. and pain.
what i think, she needs to let it out. keeping it inside is not healthy, i told her, or you will get crazy.
u need a outlet, then you will feel better. u can cry for 3 days 3 nights, and after that u are a new person.
its ok if u wander back sometimes. we all hav this experience. and you need to be honest to yourself.
the truth is, money can't buy happiness. but money seems to be the foundation to achieving happiness these days.
do i want to believe that?
would you want me to believe that?
我只想有你在身边我就会开心
虽然你不在
我还会在我的生活里保留一个空位
等你补上
一个月
说长不长
短也不短
我也开始习惯你没在的生活
走出来
头也抬得高了
我可以对自己说
我做到了
以我自己的能力
开创我自己的世界
我知道你在半个地球外的国度
也在想我
看见你每天尽力地好好活着
心里也多少欣慰
我能够在这里等
别人看了也说我傻吧
我知道你是知道的
你试着把我推开
不让我继续难过
我也让你知道
我活得很好
有你烦我很好 :)
思念啊
当你终于说我们并没什么
只是我现在必须回到这里
我即刻明白了
你的真正意思
-你还是我的
字眼在眼里飞舞
心里暖暖地。。
我没后悔过
如果没遇见你
我会在哪里
很难想象
你粗涩的关怀
世界难找的真挚
都是我不想错过的
你总站在我前面
为我挡灾挡祸
以前我总看不到
我从没好好地对你说过
我是珍惜的
我是看到的
你心里会苦吗?
我知道你总爱藏感受
比中国长城更牢地藏着
我会好好体谅你的
你也要学学放开噢。。
希望还在心里
不稀减
我会等的
当你学会
一天我们一起飞。
There is no need to scar those wounds, pickle it, rubbing it
or scarring it more.
Even if it pains and itch
leave it untouched.
Go on and distract yourself with things more useful
Remember the things and people that matter
The people who will be there for you
Those who you need to hold on to
Your heart will bleed
in the quiet hours
when you stay with yourself
and thinking of what it could have been
Its when you hit rock bottom
the law of physics
will push you back up
Step out of it
Bring new people into your life
quit the life of a hoarder
keeping all unescessary baggages
tonnes and tonnes which weigh you down
Remove them
Elevate and feel free
sweep the leftovers of stale emotions
and turn them to pure energy
positively
Inspirationally
mind-blasting-ly
Life is a long run
and all haters will soon find out
the battle is actually with yourself
and the point of jealousy
will rust and dust
In time
it will not matter as it used to be
and the only thing prevail
will be love, trust, faith, respect and integrity
Days are passing and I am counting
until the end of the month
where I will see you step into the unknown gates
no dates on your return
I know we will have more time for ourselves
to focus on building our own lives
to face the things that we have long procastinated
to spend energy on things that may essential change our lives
to allocate more time on people that we care
I have mix feelings
hopeful
Despair
anticipation
strength
Are we about to end? or it can be a new beginning?
for a next phase, towards a better ending?
I just feel like crying
hopefully after the tears
whats left will be pure good energy
for us to go on...
I told my friend
perhaps my status will be
I'm not single but available
My friend told me
Why not You be single, but not available
attributing the attachment to you
The positivity in her reply makes me grateful
it came in the right time
and her support really gives me more sense
and possibly gives me more security
in finding back the love and trust
we have for each other..
I hope you will learn
learn alot
learn more than you think you might find
to become what you wanted
and what you needed to be
I know your ways
and I understand
and we will be good partners
because we end each other's words
as long as u never say no
I wil still be faithful and loyal
and assume we will go on strong
Distance will not kill the love n trust
we have for each other
so if u ever in doubt
let me tell you looking into your eyes that
We are meant to be together
and I'ma stickwitu
As certain as the first day
never ends
Imagine if
there is just a lil bit more love
a lil bit more patience
a lil bit more hope
a lil bit more effort
A cold heart
unaware of the people and places
that is surrounding it
Sand, sea, earth, wind and trees
the creation of God
are part of what we should protect
and care for
Life is a miracle
with every breath that we take
we should remeber the circle of life
from the seed in the earth
to the fishes in the sea
to the running Ghazelle
We are all connected
If you can appreciate
the wonders of nature
extend the gratitude
by treating it better
and nursing it to health
If you feel
the weather unpredictable
imagine it
to be ten times worse
Its an easy job
to pick up
trash that don't belong
Just a lil bit more
If you can make ten people to do the same
and they can make one hundred
Do more than
just nodding to a song
or frowning from a movie
what a difference
from just doing a lil bit more
Our home needs us
to do a lil more
Reading and understanding the book 'The Secret', talking about Law of Attraction, sometimes its very difficult to get the idea that your life results are depending on your thoughts.
Even if you understand it until the core of your heart, to experience it, is another different thing.
I would like to try out this life. practicing positive thoughts whenever a bad thought comes along. I would like to believe that life results are a manifestation of the visuals you have in you mind, and the faith you have in your heart.
When the sky is dark, keep a sunny picture in your heart, and in time, you will see the picture realize in front of your eyes.
I can't believe that in one month's time we have been together for Three years.
I know it has been stressful lately for you. It has been the same for me too. I can see the struggle that you are having doing what you do now as it is against your laid-back nature. It also pains me inside that your cloths are becoming baggy, which means you have been losing so much weight due to all the hardwork, not to mention mental power that you need to pour in.
Moving on from here, where the road will lead us? I still keep the same attitude I had three years ago. I believe you have taught me this. That is to enjoy the journey, keep walking and holding on strong. Although, all the marriages that is happening around us is making me depressed a little. Not that I am not happy for them; but I notice that I am envying them at the same time. Soon I believe, they will be having children. Just like your nephews Turki and Abdulelah. They are the angels of this world. Deep inside, I hope too that God will give me the ultimate gift of a new life, somewhere down this road.
Three years, we have grown together. Look at the life that we are having now, I thought to myself that we have to be super grateful. Everyday I thanked my parents inside my heart while I am driving, thank you for the beautiful car that they have given to me, they have given me a pair of wings, to fly and achieve so many things. I also thanked my parents for their patience and guidance, it is the greatest sacrifice that they have made to make me who I am today.
Day by day I hope we become stronger and more capable of taking care of our families and loved ones. With this in mind, I also pray to God to give us the strength to do all that is right, to endure the unexpected and to learnt from what we have gone through. To remember. To give back.
If anything, it pains me the most to think about my life if I didn't meet you. Believe me my mind do wander sometimes imagining my life now with someone else. When I see your smile, I know you are true, and I know that I don't need no one but you.
I hope in this Chinese New Year and Valentines day, every human being on the planet is able to have a kick-ass wonderful and meaningful moments with their friends, family and loved ones.
Happy Valentines, my Jidada.
If I ever write and publish a book, I want the fonts to be Trebuchet. Looking at it reminds me of an island holiday, next to the beach with sunny boys in blue jeans.
I will always remember the Golf Ball, Pebbles, Sand and Coffee story. It was the best metaphor of life I'd ever come across.
I think sometimes, working makes you forget to loosen up your attitude towards living. Day in day out you face a lot of stress and pressure from all corners. Just remember that a cup of coffee with your friends is essential during these times to bring yourself back to normal, physically and mentally.
I really miss a vacation. Looking at pictures of other friends in foreign countries and foreign weather with foreign people, slides my imagination down to Jupiter, can't help but wonder when is it my turn? Should I start saving for a big big big vacation?? Where would I go? Europe? Japan? Or Africa? Or maybe to the land of my lover? LOL.
I came from a palm beach town called Kuantan. The blessing of staying here is that it gives you a laid back and simple view towards life. However growing up there, we tend to look over the other side of the fence. To dream big. Aaaaaaalways, without fail, we want to go to bigger cities, bigger opportunities, bigger of everything. Because the town is so small, you can travel from one side to the other within 10-15 minutes. Now that all our childhood friends are achieving so much and seen so many different places and people, I am so proud of them. Even though I didn't tell them. Kudos to alll Qwantanites :)
More than that, I hope all of us won't be washed by reality and time, and lose our young hearts. Over the years, I have learnt from things and people that we have to, Have to always keep a young heart, no matter, No Matter What. Keep a list of music, books or art that will bring you back to your original fearless self. Anything that reminds you to feel love, passion and compassion towards life, friends, family and yourself.
Remember to recharge yourself, take away any substances that is heavy and dense. Throw some butter into the blender of your heart, make it light and fluffy. Do whatever to keep yourself happy and joyful.
I guess walking on earth, there is nothing more important than happiness. Before any pursuit of happiness, please take a minute to come up with your own definition of happiness. This will be your guide and you won't be walking blindly and lonely.
Whatever you've come up with, I hope that God is in it.
And may God always be with you.
Ever felt stuck while you are having a bumpy ride towards your dream? Challenges that you face are way harder than what you are prepared for. Frustration and irritation looking at you everyday in the work that you have to push through. Felt stuck, as if you are imprisoned.
I guess that is what I am feeling now.
'Looking at the bright side' is easier said than done for now. Feels like someone's hands is on my neck, strangling me. Its worst when I have to smile everyday to the people that I don't trust. It brings me down from the inside.
But no matter what comes down on me, I believe that I will be strong enough to handle it. Although trouble tries to hit me down, I will prove that I can walk the walk till the end of the road. As the chinese saying goes, when you think you have reach a dead end, keep walking and you will find colors and light at a whole new horizon.
A song by Naughty Nature shows how highly creative they are. The energy and positivity shines through the song title that they have chosen.
No matter how much you slump into a skunk hole you think you are stuck, If you think you are part of the poverty that drags our society daily, hustling in and out the ghetto just to make ends meet, have fun and don't feel defeated. Welcome to the Poverty Paradise.
Now thats the way to live your life.
Ho HO hOHohHohOho
The start of long weekend marathon.. waking up at 1pm on friday afternoon, Aaarrrhhh~ ~ one of the best feelings that you can get!
Just went to see the site of the shop yesterday, the renovation is almost done. What's left is only the painting.. Soon, we need to fill up the kitchen then the grand opening awaits.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed now and hope that everything will come smoothly, no hiccups until we start the cafe. Please oh please, God help us!
Now we need to have more food tasting sessions :D need to figure out the best way to cook kabsa and the beef pie. The last attempt was good, and I guess the people liked it. Now we will need to try to make it better.
So the shop is ready, the chef is ready, whats left is just nothing that we can control.
But I hope this place will be a good place for friends to chill out, with good food, good ambience and also good host.
Reminds me we need to get some good lightings..
thats all for now. out.
@ Oldtown White Coffee , Sunny , Happy & Hopeful
THERE was once upon a time I wish to have a cafe of my own. Actually I still do.
For all of you who heard the news, 2D Cafe is opening in Setapak, nearby Jalan Tun Razak.
Its a bumpy joy ride towards opening the shop, but as hopeful days pass by, with the help of true friends, the shop is seeing the bright day light.
We will be having a small launch party in the cafe to celebrate the sweet opening :)
Can't wait for that day to come!
As we grow older, days passed by unnoticeably.
Some memories are still vivid, especially the good ones. We try to grasp it, wishing for it to stay longer. But most of the time, it’s gone.
If possible, I hope everyone will not have any regrets in their past. If you still have any, my two cents, just let it go. Like the rain, down the drain.
I always remind myself to look ahead and think of the brighter side. Once in a while, when I forget to close the door, my mind slips into memory lane. And once the door is open, I can’t stop it, all the good old images poured in like the blood in the movie ‘Shining’.
Today is a rainy day, and today is one of those days where the door is pushed open.
I see myself walking through the days in my hometown, before I decide to take over the city, those days where I will look enviously at anyone who have a chance to make it into the big city. I remember I have this big dream of being a film director, or more secretly I wanna be a superstar.
Tuning in to MTV or channel [V] all afternoon, the girl would be dreaming that she is the pretty girl in the music video, livin’ large in the big city and getting all the cash that she wants.
Until one day, the little girl stepped into the big city and started her college life. At first, she is all alone. Eventually, she made some friends. She had good times, and some bad times. More importantly, she learnt the meaning of having her own freedom and making her own choices. The life on her own opened her eyes to see the few good people who made engravings in her heart. One of them came from the Great land of China, one of them from a land Far East, one of them from the big city itself, and one from her little town.
Three years passed before she finally met the first guy who took her hand and gave her the feeling of being loved. Of course, he was her first love, so called ‘puppy love’, which only lasted one month. Eventually she became buddies with this ‘first guy’ in her life.
Approaching the final years of college, she became more confused, and wilder. She stepped out from the protective circle of her college neighborhood, and started to know more people in the outer world. More friends from the land Far East came and took her hand into the big big world.
She went through more of her ‘first-ever’ experience, - her first proper job, her first slumber party, her first time drunk, and her first serious relationship.
She always wanted to have a non-Chinese boyfriend. She used to exchanged emails with an Austrian guy. He was twelve years senior than her. She was only fifteen.
He opened up an exciting world for her. He was what she dreamt of having when she becomes an adult. Dream remain a dream, he dropped out of touch when she enters college.
But one day, she met a Libyan guy. He was tall, dark and handsome. He had a car, which takes her to dinner after work. He came from a total unknown world, triggering the adventurous side of her. She was falling hard in love.
It was Christmas that year when he did not picked up his phone, and the girl was heartbroken. She couldn’t understand how come he left her alone just like that, without any explanation. Years later, she found out the reason, but at that time, she was devastated.
For days, she failed to put herself together. For weeks, she was running on autopilot. For months, she missed him.
One night, she met him. He was shorter, but he wears a very beautiful smile. He came up to her when she was all alone and heartbroken. He held her hand and she looked up.
This time, she wasn’t in a hurry to say yes. And she did a mistake, she said no. He was heartbroken. They didn’t spoke for weeks. And when they did, she saw that he was holding another hand.
She realized that she wants him back. He realized too that he still missed her. It was a complicated bitter situation. But she waited until the day he comes and holds her hand. And she never turned back ever since.
Three years passed since that night.
He is still holding her hands, and her, his.
Lately it has been raining alot... sharp at 2pm, you will see the cloud shading the sun, and the sky turning dark, and droplets of rain falling down from the sky. As if god has put on his alarm clock to send down his blessings same time everyday.
Reminds me of the days in my hometown, when i am still in school, i would sit by the window when it rains, and listen to my favourite music while the afternoon just pass me by like that.
The weather somehow reflects our mood as well, when the weather here changes so dramatically, it might affect us to feel good in the morning and turn a 360 degrees towards the afternoon.
I remember in my college days, I also used to sit on my 9th floor balcony with Sonic, each holding a cup of hot tea, sitting down and just enjoying the cool breeze and each others company.
Just like how i am sitting now in the cool breeze, where the temperature is dropping outside, but the smile of my friends around me warmth the atmosphere around, and lighten up my heart. If you listen carefully, you will hear the tree leaves caressing each other as the wind flows. The soft whisper made a voice that tickles my ears, it is one of those marvelous things on earth where i think god place it there for us to admire and share.
Just watched the late Micheal Jackson's rehearsal documentary 'This is it'. His spirit and passion, i believe, will be stil lingering around us for a long time, inspiring more and more people to carry on his believes, like the one he so strongly felt when he wrote the song 'Man in Mirror', He is always a Legend and will forever be in our hearts.
My company just handed me a laptop... not so much the brand i wanted... but it was a fairly new one... omg... i feel so grateful.. i was just thinking about it... hahahahah... Cheers!
